LH Surge? Whaaa?!

I wanted to check, just to be sure. Just because I'm so damn curious. I took out the cup and dipped the OPK strip in it, truly not expecting anything. There was a faint little line which, to me, was too inconclusive. So I waited another 12 hours and did it again.

My Lord.

Dark double line. My luteinizing hormone is surging. Wowzers. Apparently this "lost cycle" may not be so lost! Oh, the optimism!

I'm attributing this good news to the major lifestyle overhaul of the last 2 weeks. Acupuncture, yoga, meditation and deep breathing, TCM style diet, no alcohol, (almost) no sugar. They were pretty certain at CCRM that I had nearly no shot at ovulation this month due to the cyst. But either way, this is good news :) My body feels healthy and in control of herself. Happy times!

EWCM!

Just a disclaimer - this is definitely a TMI kinda post. If you aren't knee deep in fertility terms, this will probably be too much of an "ick" for you.

For anyone who was lucky enough to get pregs on an "oops" this is likely an unknown. But for the rest of us who have been trying for long months or years, we are very familiar with cervical mucous and the various patterns it goes through during a cycle. Anywhere from dry to sticky to creamy to... egg white! Yeah, gross. Comparing the fluid that leaks from your crotch when you're at your most fertile to a breakfast food is, in my humble opinion, super unappealing.

As unappealing as it is, egg white cervical mucous (EWCM) is both super critical to the babymaking - it helps transport sperm through the scary vagina and cervix into the lovely, welcoming uterus - and it is something I don't have. I've been looking for it every single month over this past year to no avail. I've tried all the tips and tricks like being sure to drink a ton of water so you're fully hydrated and taking mucinex around ovulation to thin out mucous secretions.  Still, nothing.

So imagine my surprise to notice it this morning! What's different? I've had two needling sessions with AJ in the past 11 days. I've taken 8 doses of the fabulous Chinese herbs. I've done 3 or 4 yoga classes. I've gone for 2 legit runs plus an intense trail run. I've been taking some form of the stinky, salt water smelling greens mix for the last 8 days. I'm doing lots of deep breathing exercises, repeating my mantra when I remember. I've had several days of no sugar, no alcohol, no caffeine over the last 2 weeks. I'm making a conscious effort to pull back on processed foods, white flour and refined sugars/carbs. I hate saying this so I'll say it quietly - I'm making a lot of freaking sacrifices here. 

On the other hand, I also feel like I'm finally on a good track. I feel like I'm doing something meaningful, working towards better general health. It seems that my moods and emotions are more even and stable which is a sizable relief for someone so ruled by emotion :) Those are subjective things though. I feel like I got to see a real, tangible side effect of all of this effort. I suppose I could be wrong and it's just a coincidence. But I'm choosing to believe that seeing a hint of EWCM is proof that what I'm doing is working. BAM.

I'm not expecting ovulation this month because of the cyst. But now I'm strongly contemplating giving up the IUI next month also, maybe give myself a shot at a natural conception. By then I'd have about 6 or 7 weeks of this lifestyle change under my belt. Do I dare start thinking of giving up the IUI for another cycle beyond that? That would mean a natural try in the first week of September and the first week of October. That sounds scary and liberating at the same time. But the bottom line here is staying strong with my nutrition and finding joy again. Running down Green Mountain yesterday was so thoroughly enjoyable. Better than eating handcrafted ice cream from Little Man? Well, it sure lasted longer! :)

13dpiui and Preparing

Not a happy day.

Symptoms:

CM is starting to dry up

Period-like cramps, not at all like what I was feeling right after the IUI.

Temperature dropped precipitously this morning to 97.9 and I'm never in the 97 range during a luteal phase.

PMS-y moodiness.

So that's that. I need to start planning now for the next cycle. My temp drop is about 3 days earlier than normal so I'm wondering if bleeding will start sooner. Bring it on! If my cycles are gonna keep failing, the least they can do is be shorter...

Cycle Day 3 (start of Clomid) would typically be this coming Sunday, but I'll hope that it starts sooner than that. I'd expect IUI to be scheduled Wednesday morning, Aug 6. But again, a couple days earlier than that would be just fine with me. My family is coming for a visit on August 20 and I'd spent the last two or three weeks so hopeful that we might be able to share tentatively exciting news with them when they were here!

No dice.

I really thought I could better control my emotions this time around knowing that we have a plan in place and we are working with such a great practice. I guess that was silly of me. What really has me down right now is the knowledge that I know nothing. There is no answer for what didn't work well in this cycle. I responded well to the medications, had a great lining prepared, followed all of the rules about no caffeine and no alcohol (well, till yesterday. just had to have myself half a beer). So what can I do next time to give myself a better chance?

9dpiui

Morning of the 9th day after our IUI. Things have been weird. Like... in my body, not life in general ;)

Life in General
I started volunteering at a cool non-profit this week. It was awesome to find an opportunity that actually aligns with my industry of event planning. Since they are a non-profit they put on several fundraisers each year so I am helping out with parts of an upcoming event. Right now there is a lot out of my comfort zone because we're cold-calling business asking for donations. That is relatively awkward for me and I haven't had a ton of success the last 3 days, but it will get better and I'm spending the days with a friend I met in the running group. We commiserate a lot about getting shot down repeatedly! Lotta laughs.

J has us doing another crazy fourteener hike tomorrow. I'm a little nervous about it because of A) the heart rate issue, B) the fact that he invited a friend to join, C) this is a double peak and we have to get up so incredibly early, like 3am (?!) or D) my new hiking boots haven't yet arrived and I'd need to wear light little sneakers. So if you're assuming it is all four, you would be correct. Oy!

Yesterday I got a couple interesting leads on the job front so I'll spend some time with that today.

Feelings
There is still a lot of hope in me - and J! - that this is our cycle. He asks me every day "When will we know?" He's never been this in-tune! It's a nice change even if it does feel like the line of questioning you get from a 4 year old rather than a sophisticated 32 year old financial analyst :-D
Mom calls frequently and asks in this veiled manner, "Anything new?" or "Sooooo, what's new?" This happens several times in one phone call so I have to give her credit where it's due for not flat-out asking me for updates everyday. I told her about the Clomid and then our plans to do the IUI, but wanted to save a few of the specific details of the whole situation to keep between just J and me. After all, if we were still doing it the of-fashioned way, I wouldn't be reporting that!!
I'm also feeling a small amount of anxiety. The root of it is this: I'm fully aware that this cycle may not be ours and we'd start the clock over again next weekend, but I'm anxious about how I would take it if that truly is the outcome in 7 or 8 days. What I want to avoid is shrouding myself in so much hope and positivity that if I do end up with a period in a week, my soul isn't crushed. I know we've got a couple more tries with Clomid/IUI planned and that protocol seems to fit us very well and it's so reasonably priced. The uncovered portion comes out to under $400 for us I think. So I'd like to think that I can keep my head above water next week if I get news I'm unhappy with. There is still time for us on this clock!

Body/Symptoms
For days 5-8 I was feeling some intense kind of cramping only on the right side of my lower abdomen/uterus. Every once in a while the feeling would jump to the left or be more centralized, but it was very focused on the right. Eventually, after 2 full days of it (5 and 6 dpiui) and then having it intensify the morning of the 3rd day (7dpiui), I was a little scared of an ectopic and called Elizabeth at CCRM. She said some ibuprofen is ok but if the discomfort comes through the ibuprofen, or if I have a fever, bleeding, or something else, call back immediately. So for the rest of 7dpiui, it was a discomfort I could handle (but pretty intense later at night) and I did some yoga and stretching before bed. When I woke up 8dpiui, I was almost worried that the feeling had subsided! It poked its head back in a little in the evening, but that's been it. So... who knows?! It could just be my right ovary normalizing itself after having to deal with being super stimulated by Clomid or being psyched out by the HCG trigger shot I took.
Breasts are a little on the heavy/tender side of things, but that's been somewhat standard in my cycle this past year so I'm not too excited about it. Also a good bit of watery/creamy CM, but you could easily chalk that up to me staying super hydrated.
My BBT hit a higher point than average this morning, 98.6, but I woke up just feeling so hot, it could just be an environmental influence. I've hit 98.6 a few times throughout the last year so it isn't completely unheard of during my tww. My chart is a little unusual looking though in that it appears as a steady climb up since ovulation. Once again, I'm trying to not read into it because it could just as easily start stair-stepping it's way down at any point and also my body had been introduced to a lot of chemicals it's never dealt with before which could easily influence BBT readings.


On the forums I've been visiting, there are a few ladies who got a positive HPT on their 10th day past IUI. I don't know if I'm totally crazy to try that tomorrow, but I'm tempted! Just unsure if there is a chance that the HCG trigger shot is still even a little in my system. Getting a false positive would in fact be a soul crusher.... I'll think a little more about it. Maybe wait till Sunday, 11dpiui.