The Lengths We'll Go To

I'm eating out of the ocean.

Seriously, I've needed to become accustomed to breathing only through my mouth when eating and drinking several things these days. Making my salad tonight was a real... learning... experience.

Last week I bought a new cookbook, Cooking for Fertility, focused on fertility foods because I felt I needed more direction than just, "Oh yeah, that's a whole food. I'll eat it." I wanted better guidance on recipes rather than just eating salads and lentils. One of the first items I decided to try out was this Kale, Cucumber & Seaweed salad. Figuring that sushi works for me and I've tried a little seaweed salad from those sushi places before, it seemed doable.

Welp. Lemme tell ya. Woof.

For about a month I've been using a greens powder (Garden of Life Perfect Food) that has enough spirulina and chlorella to make you think you walked into the fish market. I religiously chug the mixture in two breaths, being sure not to breathe through my nose after each chug. Yuuuuuck! Additionally, the cookbook I bought made a suggestion to drink kombucha. It is a fermented tea and therefore smells a little like a brewery. It's funny, you'd think that would be easy to take, but just knowing that it isn't really a beer somehow makes it a beverage that I gulp down without breathing through my nose. Yawn.

You'd think I'd be used to this... But a seaweed salad is a new level! Most of what's in it is pretty good! Base of kale, chopped cucumber and red onion, shredded apple, black sesame seeds. The dressing is apple cider vinegar, pineapple juice, sesame oil, garlic. Of course there's also soaked Wakame and toasted Nori. Weeeeeird! The wakame seaweed comes in a zip bag all dried out. I put it in a measuring cup with some water and walked away. WOWZERS! I came back maybe 10 minutes later and it had blossomed out of the cup! Kind of a neat trick. But I'm a texture person and man is it slimy. Eeeeep :(

I'm trying to choke it down here remembering that I'm nourishing my body. A big piece of frosted chocolate cake may be easier to gobble up and have seconds tolerate but it sure isn't helping heal the imbalances in my body. So, seaweed it is... Man, when this baby gets here one day, he or she is gonna have a lot of stories to sit through!

LH Surge? Whaaa?!

I wanted to check, just to be sure. Just because I'm so damn curious. I took out the cup and dipped the OPK strip in it, truly not expecting anything. There was a faint little line which, to me, was too inconclusive. So I waited another 12 hours and did it again.

My Lord.

Dark double line. My luteinizing hormone is surging. Wowzers. Apparently this "lost cycle" may not be so lost! Oh, the optimism!

I'm attributing this good news to the major lifestyle overhaul of the last 2 weeks. Acupuncture, yoga, meditation and deep breathing, TCM style diet, no alcohol, (almost) no sugar. They were pretty certain at CCRM that I had nearly no shot at ovulation this month due to the cyst. But either way, this is good news :) My body feels healthy and in control of herself. Happy times!

EWCM!

Just a disclaimer - this is definitely a TMI kinda post. If you aren't knee deep in fertility terms, this will probably be too much of an "ick" for you.

For anyone who was lucky enough to get pregs on an "oops" this is likely an unknown. But for the rest of us who have been trying for long months or years, we are very familiar with cervical mucous and the various patterns it goes through during a cycle. Anywhere from dry to sticky to creamy to... egg white! Yeah, gross. Comparing the fluid that leaks from your crotch when you're at your most fertile to a breakfast food is, in my humble opinion, super unappealing.

As unappealing as it is, egg white cervical mucous (EWCM) is both super critical to the babymaking - it helps transport sperm through the scary vagina and cervix into the lovely, welcoming uterus - and it is something I don't have. I've been looking for it every single month over this past year to no avail. I've tried all the tips and tricks like being sure to drink a ton of water so you're fully hydrated and taking mucinex around ovulation to thin out mucous secretions.  Still, nothing.

So imagine my surprise to notice it this morning! What's different? I've had two needling sessions with AJ in the past 11 days. I've taken 8 doses of the fabulous Chinese herbs. I've done 3 or 4 yoga classes. I've gone for 2 legit runs plus an intense trail run. I've been taking some form of the stinky, salt water smelling greens mix for the last 8 days. I'm doing lots of deep breathing exercises, repeating my mantra when I remember. I've had several days of no sugar, no alcohol, no caffeine over the last 2 weeks. I'm making a conscious effort to pull back on processed foods, white flour and refined sugars/carbs. I hate saying this so I'll say it quietly - I'm making a lot of freaking sacrifices here. 

On the other hand, I also feel like I'm finally on a good track. I feel like I'm doing something meaningful, working towards better general health. It seems that my moods and emotions are more even and stable which is a sizable relief for someone so ruled by emotion :) Those are subjective things though. I feel like I got to see a real, tangible side effect of all of this effort. I suppose I could be wrong and it's just a coincidence. But I'm choosing to believe that seeing a hint of EWCM is proof that what I'm doing is working. BAM.

I'm not expecting ovulation this month because of the cyst. But now I'm strongly contemplating giving up the IUI next month also, maybe give myself a shot at a natural conception. By then I'd have about 6 or 7 weeks of this lifestyle change under my belt. Do I dare start thinking of giving up the IUI for another cycle beyond that? That would mean a natural try in the first week of September and the first week of October. That sounds scary and liberating at the same time. But the bottom line here is staying strong with my nutrition and finding joy again. Running down Green Mountain yesterday was so thoroughly enjoyable. Better than eating handcrafted ice cream from Little Man? Well, it sure lasted longer! :)

Field Trip to the East!

Well I guess I'm 100% in the TCM game! I went for my second acupuncture sesh yesterday afternoon and, while I was spending time as a human porcupine, decided to pull the trigger and sign on for the special Chinese herbs. I'm taking something called Xiang Fu, twice a day, as a tea preparation. Obviously, I googled it as soon as I left the office and you'll never believe what I found. Although, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. One of the first results from the search was TCM Wiki! There is a wikipedia for Traditional Chinese Medicine! Ha!

http://www.tcmwiki.com/wiki/xiang-fu <---- There it is in black and white.

Xiang Fu seems to be a relatively straightforward herb used to treat a lot of different things. It seems to be combined with many other herbs to specify its treatment possibilities. But on its own, it is indicated for liver depression and qi stagnation. And based on the last "period" I had, something is definitely stagnating in me. Also, it is the essential herb for regulating qi and menorrhea, and alleviating pain in gynecology for it can regulate qi and blood circulation, soothe stagnant liver qi. These all sound like things my little bod needs some help with.

What is "Qi"? Yeah... It's a tiny word with a lot of meaning. At its base, it refers simply to energy. Here are a few more specifics about it:

• Qi manifests itself in various meridians that run through the body. These meridians, or channels of energy, are the areas that are targeted by acupuncture.
• Qi energy is converted in the body into 4 substances and 2 fluids: Qi, Yin, Yang, Blood & Essence and Moisture. These substances and fluids convert our air, water and food into waste and help the waste leave our bodies.
• Qi forms all of our organs.

My takeaway? Qi is basically the essence of life. Better be nice to it!

AJ really gave me the full needle treatment. There were 3 needles in my head, one in each ear, about 4 in my abdomen, a couple in my knees, a couple in my feet and, to top it all off, one in each of my hands. In that soft spot between your index finger and thumb. It felt really weird! But once she positioned the heat lamp over my belly, I was as good as passed out! This acupuncture thing is awfully relaxing. For now, I'm choosing to buy in, body, mind and soul. That Clomid didn't do me any favors so for now I'm choosing the nature path.

Fertility Yoga & Sugar Oops

Interesting experience... When I sent my freak out email to Jane the acupuncturist she, among many other calming and wise words, suggested that I come by for the fertility yoga class that they host on Tuesdays. Last night was also my first experience using Uber. J was supposed to get home in time for me to take the car, but his 21 mile commute turned into a one hour, fifty minute odyssey complete with car accidents and construction. Uber it was. Pretty decent experience, I would definitely call them up again.

The class was small and intimate, just 6 of us. Everyone spent a couple minutes introducing themselves and talking about their journey up to this point. There were some pretty diverse stories. The instructor has been at this now for 10 years and has adopted 2 foster children in the meantime. We did super relaxing breathing and movement and with such a slow pace, there were a couple of poses that felt really strong and intense. We were told to come up with a personal mantra at the beginning and then used that throughout the practice. Superstitiously speaking, or maybe for some mysterious spiritual reason, I don't know if you're supposed to share these things. But. Why not? There's probably something good about putting it out there in the big wide world. I want so badly to feel happy and fulfilled again so I'm starting with the "fake it til you make it" concept. Here's mine: I am happy. I have the health to be pregnant. There. It's out there. Hope it works, haha!

In my quick and dirty research on TCM so far, it is clear that balanced health is key. I believe that I've had relatively good health, but I think that I've developed a few bad dietary habits that may have been fine in moderation, but for me have just thrown the whole system out of balance. Number 1 is my sugar addiction. I absolutely love sweets, desserts, sugar, carbs. Nom nom nom, gimmie more! Sadly, though, I think I've really hit the max intake, like for a lifetime, and have messed up my balance. (PS, I was also on various forms and brands of birth control for about 16 years. Surely that can't have been good for "balance.") As of Saturday, I decided now is the time to go all-in with my diet. All of the sugar is bad for my health in a general sense, but what is that's the obstacle that's keeping my uterus from being a happy, healthy home?! That would be crazy. So giving it up can only help.

But moving on to my "oops." Acupuncture Jane (that's a lot to type, I'm gonna go with AJ from here on out) suggested that I may want to try out gluten free for a bit. I don't want to go hardcore or anything, but just try to have fewer wheat products in my diet. Somehow I stumbled upon a gluten free waffle recipe this morning and thought it was a great idea (it wasn't). The waffles were not that tasty. And the recipe turned out to have a lot of sugar in it. I should have really looked at the recipe before I started. Doh. Frankly, I'm feeling the effects. It feels like my heart is going too fast, like I'm having anxiety. I was good for three days, now I feel crappy.

Gotta get back on that healthy horse now! Carrot pancakes and arugula salad for dinner.

Experimenting with TCM

Yay! More acronyms! TCM has floated around in various blogs I've meandered through and some fertility books and websites. The acronym doesn't usually "stick" for me and I need to go look it up, but I think it's here to stay. Traditional Chinese Medicine.

When we first met with Dr. Minjarez at CCRM, she did mention that I may want to consider acupuncture, as several of her patients had seen some success in pairing the western medicine ART techniques in which CCRM specializes and traditional eastern methods with which many of us in the US are unfamiliar. My takeaway by the time of our regroup in June was that our numbers were so strong, an IUI was sure to be a success - I'd consider the additional spend on acupuncture only if the IUI didn't work.

So it was only one unsuccessful round for the IUI. I haven't totally lost hope or anything. But I just figure, if a little needle poking and some of the dietary wisdom from the ancient Chinese can only assist my attempts at 'assisted reproduction,' why not go for it? I anticipate starting the Clomid again tomorrow and having another transfer two Thursdays from now. In the meantime, as part of my TCM experiment, I've had my first acupuncture session, I ordered a recommended book (The Infertility Cure), set up two more acu appointments related to my IUI schedule, and started up 3 additional supplements - Vitamin D 4000 mcg, methylated folate and a spirulina based greens powder. Dr. Jane has also prescribed me yoga at least 1-3x a week and aerobic exercise 3-5x, as well as a particular kind of meditative deep breathing.

When I read things like bananas encouraging "dampness," and are therefore something I should avoid, I admit I feel some skepticism. But it's also the same practice that discourages refined sugars, processed foods and stress. That all makes good sense to me! If I need to avoid bananas in favor of plenty of other veggies, fruits and good grains, I guess I can make it work. Like I said, it is a bit of an experiment, but it is also something I'm trying to approach with an open mind and some enthusiasm. Cause hey, you never know!