It Takes Two to Tango? Try Six...

This morning was IUI transfer day, take 3! Alarm at 5:20am, J's contribution at 7am, time for breakfast in between, the transfer at 9am. I was home to walk the doggie by 10:10.

The normal math of having a baby is pretty basic: 1+1=3. Being infertile, however, math never works the way it's supposed to. I had to laugh this morning when I was up on the table, naked legs spread-eagled and there were 4 of us in the small little mood-lit room. One of the techs remarked, "Don't they say it takes a village?" just as I was saying "How many people does it take to have a baby?"

Today, there were six of us: me, J, the andrologist Edde, the tech who measured my lining again, the nurse who did my transfer and the nurse who was training her. But how can you leave Dr. M out of it? Or our nurse who just left the practice and talked me through all of the protocols? Or our new nurse who is such a ray of sunshine?? That's nine folks, there. That number doesn't include some of the nurses who have filled in "ad hoc" like Carolyn and Sara or the tech in Denver who always does my ultrasounds, Jessica. Twelve. Really?

I suppose when all is said and done in two weeks, maybe there is no baby and so counting up how many people were directly involved today is kinda silly. On the other hand, I just have this *feeling* like this could actually be the one. There's just this pervasive feeling in me this afternoon that the stars are all aligning. 

Hopefully next week I'll be starting a contract position with a great company that I'm pretty fired up about. I hope that will set my mind at ease about my professional situation. And the reason I needed so many people this morning to help with the IUI is because of my wonky cervix. I've had a total of 5 procedures that involved a catheter going through the cervix and this was the only one that didn't hurt like hell. The nurse was super gentle and slow and the observing nurse brought the tech back in to ultrasound my belly so that there was visual guidance for the catheter. It went in so smoothly and I got to see onscreen the transfer of J's little soldiers straight into my uterus. So neat! There's just something about that moment that irrationally makes me feel like this must be it. Maybe a year from now, it will actually be just two to tango, plus a little one asleep in the nursery ;)

This could be my new math lesson: 1+1+4=3

Double Down on the Emotions Part Deux

Oh, Sunshine & Rainbows!

What a turn the day made. Number 1: we got our shipment of wine from the little family vineyard we visited in Napa last month, Bremer. They make the most fabulous wines, oh yesyesyes!

Number 2 requires a quick backstory. Last weekend we needed to go to the Lone Tree branch of CCRM for me to do my cyst check and bloodwork and we had the sweetest most enthusiastic nurse meet with us. I actually told J after we left that if we move to that area some time soon, I would request her as our nurse. Our current nurse is, well, clinical, and not very personable but I thought it would be a karmic no-no to request another nurse. She gets the job done just fine, being the conduit between Dr. M and us.

So I was in the midst of a nice, relaxing yoga session when my phone rang. I don't get many calls these days so I picked it up and SO glad I did! It was our CCRM nurse calling to let me know she'd taken a new position at the university and so our case would be transferred to another nurse. Well, wouldn't ya know, we're being transferred to the awesome nurse from last weekend! I'll call her Lana. She's awesome and I'm so pumped. Turns out, Lone Tree was just her weekend assignment.

Just the good news I needed. It feels like such a good omen. This cycle has to be a good one.

1dpiui

That title looks like some kind of weirdo code. In a way, it is a kind of code. An abbreviation. What it abbreviates is that I'm 1 day past the IUI. Hopefully, when that code looks like "14dpiui" I'll be seeing a nice double line, a plus sign, a smiley face next to the text "Pregnant." I'll take any of those :)

So far there isn't much to report. I've been feeling mega lazy since being told that I should raise my heart rate over 140 bpm - running raises me far above that, an average of 175 bpm. For that reason I went out and had a leisurely 5 mile walk today. I absolutely had to bring my phone and make calls while I walked cause I knew I'd be thoroughly bored. As a reward, I stopped at REI on the way home to do some sleeping bag shopping and grab a few things for J's race this weekend.

When I got home from my walk and went in to shower up, I noticed some brown spotting. My heart kinda stopped for a sec. But I've spent some time reasoning it out. For starters, one day after the IUI means it isn't implantation bleeding. So my other theory: that obnoxious cervix of mine probably bled a little from all the poking around yesterday. After a long bit of movement this afternoon, I think the activity started up the mucous production which drained out the dried blood from yesterday.

There it is. That's my theory. I'm sticking with it. I also joined a forum website yesterday and found another girl on there who triggered and had her IUI the same days I did. Kinda cool! As of today, we have 13 days left in the eternal TWW (2 week wait).

IUI Day! IUI Day!

Here we are. The day of our first (only???) IUI. My anticipation for this day - Wednesday, July 9, has been building for weeks now. Here's how it all went down:

5:15am
ALARM! Took my BBT and it was slightly elevated (97.8 F). Since I had three follicles that looked like they would pop out three little eggies, I wonder if maybe one of them had already released in the wee hours this morning, elevating my temperature? Doesn't matter too much, the appointment is set no matter what!

6:15am
Left the apartment together with J's bike in the back so that he could ride home after work. Butterflies in the tummy! And some definite ov cramps.

7:00am
CCRM opens for business and J has an appointment with the cup. All went well.

7:20am
I drove J off to work about 10 minutes away and stopped for a delicious breakfast myself. Quinoa pancakes with fresh berries, greek yogurt and maple syrup. Heavenly. Put me in a right proper mood sitting out there in the gorgeous Colorado sunshine :)

9:00am
Took the elevator down to pick up J's washed sample from the lab. After washing, his numbers came to 90% motility, 3+ and 42.2 million count. The lab tech was very pleased with the sample and gave me many good wishes on my way out the door. (I also got a peek at the, uh, "sample procurement" room on my way out the door. Yup, Playboys. And a pad laid out on the chair. Sexy.)

9:20am
So here's where the magic happens. It was a room I'd already been in for a previous ultrasound, but this time the lights weren't dimmed since I wouldn't be watching anything on the screen. Aside from the massive discomfort I was about to experience, it was all very much like an annual pap. Speculum (but no cold jelly) and the bright light angled in. I warned the nurse, Helen, that many who have gone before her have been stumped by my cervix. She quickly became acquainted with the issues. It took longer than usual for the catheter to be inserted, but she was as gentle as possible and persevered. Evidently, my cervix has a couple of bends in it which it what makes catheter insertion so difficult. Surprise! Once she let me know that she was in, the whole thing was basically over.  For something so monumental (well, potentially) there is just about no pomp to the whole thing. Just a few pats on the back, a smile or two, and kind "good lucks" on your way out the door.

$425 later, I was in the car on my way home. It's funny, actually taking out the credit card and paying for it had some sticker shock associated. But when I was in my regroup meeting with Dr. M back in June and we decided on IUI, the "few hundred dollars" price tag was a massive relief after the "tens of thousands" quoted on IVF. Phew.

Immediate Impressions
Wow that was so quick and straightforward... I can't believe we might have made a baby today without even being in the same room... I totally hate my cervix and hope it straightens itself out on the day that I'm blessed enough to have a vaginal delivery... The next two weeks need to be the most zen, chill, stress-free weeks of my life... My perspective should be one of complete optimism and positivity. Feeling any negativity about the procedure can only hurt the outcome and it won't make me less disappointed in the end if this doesn't work... We still have some time and patience for a few more tries... But this feels really good, after all, it only takes one tiny egg and one teeny sperm to have a little love affair <3

Rx: Clomid

So we had our regroup appointment with Dr. M on Friday the 20th. As I mentioned, I was kind of freaking out about it, expecting a bunch of news that I wasn't excited about. Stuff that would just extend our timeline.

Well! Wasn't I surprised!

VARICELLA
My number one freak out was about the varicella (chicken pox) vaccine. I felt devastated when our nurse told me that it was highly recommended that I start the series. It is a live virus vaccine taken in two doses separated by 30 days. After the second dose, you must wait an additional 30 days for the live virus to dissipate and not put a potential pregnancy at risk. Looking at my current cycle on the calendar, that was putting us at a three month delay which just felt like an absolutely crushing blow.

When I discussed my chicken pox history with Dr. M on Friday, however, she gave me a pass! Her opinion was that after having the vaccine only 2 years ago and having such decreased immunity to it, I am most likely in the small minority of people who are never fully immune. No continual vaccinations will change that. I just need to be careful, of course, about who I am around and the level of travel I plan over the next several months. No problem!

ENDOMETRIOSIS
After my fun trip to the ER on Day 1 of my last cycle, I had a hunch that Dr. M may suggest a laparoscopy to look for endometrial tissue outside of my uterus. She certainly was concerned after hearing my account, and the procedure was suggested. However. Dr. M also cited recent studies showing that removal of the tissue is really only effective for pain management, not fertility. Since my pattern seems to be a entire year without much pain at all, it seemed like overkill to have a surgical procedure to A) look for something that may not even be there and B), if found and removed, would likely not affect fertility. There are risks with even the simplest surgeries. If you were desperate to have a baby and someone was telling you that your entire reproductive area would be at risk for infection or worse... how likely would you be to sign up? I'm a total ninny about pain, but this pain only jumps out and grabs me once a year. It's just not worth the risk.

Putting a laparoscopy on the shelf also takes away a month (cycle) of surgery/recovery time. Deciding not to go forward was a major win for our timeline and also fully supported by Dr. M. We're feeling good about the choice. She also prescribed me vicodin as a "just in case" measure so I can stay out of the ER if there is a next time.

DRUGS/ASSISTED INSEMINATION
My next freak out was a bit of a catch 22. I'd started feeling really weird about the concept of someone else impregnating me in a lab. So impersonal, the very definition of clinical, it made me feel sad to think that J wouldn't even be in the room when I got injected with the magic juice. The catch 22 here is that I also realize that we are basically out of options now. There's no point in continuing to try unassisted.

Dr. M's assessment: I will start Clomid starting on Day 3 and we will try for an IUI cycle. Clomid goes for 5 days. Around Day 10 or 11 I am scheduled for an ultrasound to measure my follicles. At that time I'll also be doing OPK testing and then they schedule J to come in to provide his sample. The lab takes 2 hours to "wash" the sperm and then I will come in to have the washed sample inserted into my uterus. No, it's not romantic. But maybe it'll finally be the solution we need.

This should feel similar to having a pap smear. After the procedure, I get about 10 minutes to rest and then just go about my day. Go about my day? Seriously? No sure how I'll be able to do that. An IUI cycle is far less expensive than IVF and so we can go a few tries in terms of affordability. One caveat of a Clomid-assisted cycle is that you should only go for three cycles on this medication. I suppose because of the effect that it has on your hormones and the overstimulation of your ovaries, it starts to get risky to use it for more than 3 cycles without a break.

So we're starting right away. None of the delays that I was so worried about in the last couple of weeks. This pretty much puts us exactly where I hoped we would be on the calendar when we first started talking to CCRM. A week ago I was thinking that we had to wait for three months. Now, in one thirty minute appointment, I'm carrying this hope that in the next three months we may have some good news! What a relief. On the one hand, I almost want to celebrate. But that feels a touch premature right now. For the time being, we're happy to just feel a sense of relief and be able to finally make forward steps.